Why is it that I am deserving of unconditional love?
As I dig deeper into my thoughts, I have hit a personal struggle. You see, when I started this blog I had a job. I was a human resource director for a mid-sized company before moving to my new state. I was single mom and basically killing it at life. Despite being run down I was managing to do soooooo much that I was soooooo proud of myself. Fast forward to now and it’s been 5 months and I’ve helped lots of people with my PowerToPrevail blog, YouTube channel, Instagram, and Facebook. I’ve connected with people all over the world. I am fufilling my desire to write and be creative. Once we moved, I made myself be busy since I was staying home. I created a summer schedule full of activities and made from scratch meals and we were sooooo busy but I was managing it all. Now, the kids have been in school and I have a lot more free time on my hands. I have found myself feeling less and less valuable.
I never realized how I measured my success and accomplishments so tightly with money and how much I was managing to balance a busy life that I still struggle to find meaning in my day to day non-working non-hectic life. I haven’t posted much on my Instagram because I feel like I am being deceitful. I cannot post smiling pictures and inspirational messages when I haven’t showered in a few days and feel insecure about what my next step should be. So, I decided to figure out how in the world I was going to get out of this funk.
Why is it so difficult to feel valuable by just being me? I know what words I should use to motivate myself and we have all heard them before. You are worth loving because:
- you’re smart
- you’re pretty
- you’re creative
- you’re talented
- you’re loving
- you’re a good cook (most of the time)
- you’re funny (actually I’m hilarious but humble)
But I also know that I am:
Of course we are ALL made up of those things and more but never 100% of the time so the real answer must be that I am worth loving because I am. I was created. I was born. I exist. I take up space. I don’t have to trade in or perform for that love. I deserve it by simply being. I must put myself as the source of my own love. I have to strip away all the layers and be ok with who I am.
That is where I feel my growth can begin. Again. I am pushing myself despite the fact that I want to just laydown and do nothing. My head is thankfully stronger than my heart sometimes. I know this is all part of the ebb and flow of life. It’s just like any other moment that never lasts forever. Knowing that is key to pressing on versus standing still.
This process is never ending and that can feel overwhelming at times. Just when I feel I have made progress, I discover a new obstacle. My body is as healthy as it has ever been and now it’s time for my spirit to grow. If you are struggling in any way, that makes at least two of us and I’m guess there’s quite a few more. Just remember, we’re all in this together. xoxo