My Adventures in Modeling: Part 2

The moment when Miley Cyrus was so relatable to my adventure:

I hopped off the plane at L.A.X.
With a dream and my cardigan
Welcome to the land of fame excess (whoa),
Am I gonna fit in?

Jumped in the cab,
Here I am for the first time
Look to my right and I see the Hollywood sign
This is all so crazy
Everybody seems so famous

My tummy’s turnin’ and I’m feelin’ kinda home sick
Too much pressure and I’m nervous,
That’s when the taxi man turned on the radio
And a Jay-Z song was on
And a Jay-Z song was on
And a Jay-Z song was on

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Hello Los Angeles! It was too hot to wear the cardigan

Except it was an Uber and train so I spent most of the time talking to my driver about his music career and what it takes to play the tambourine. A lot. It takes a lot.

By this time I have had time to inventory all the things I forgot to pack for my two day trip, like socks. Who forgets to pack socks?!? This was a sign. No. It’s called not making a list and packing while nervous.

I have to say now that staying with my friend was probably one of the most amazing and important things I could have done because of the unexpected interactions I ended up having. They are “in the biz” so it happened that they had friends coming over to watch The Grammy’s. What I didn’t expect, although a natural question, is for people to ask me what brought me to Los Angeles. While they talked about auditions, castings, rehearsals, and here I am sitting there feeling like such a newb. I really felt kind of embarrassed to share to be honest.

Thankfully the first time I was asked my friend answered for me in a way I wished I could have said so matter of factly myself all this time. The more people kept asking the more comfortable I got saying “I’m here for a photoshoot for a body positive clothing line.” The best response was “Of course you are! You are gorgeous!!” and the night went one. No one questioning why someone with my body would be asked to model. It was exactly what I needed without realizing it. I was pretty quiet most of the night because I was intermittently falling asleep on the couch and listening to everyone else’s stories.

The day of the shoot arrived and my nerves and jet lag woke me up crazy early. I was dreading getting out of bed because what if my hair won’t curl or if I mess up my makeup or why didn’t I pack those darn socks? So naturally I did some yoga instead.IMG_8904

Doing my best to remind myself of why I was there, why I deserve to be there, and why I didn’t remember to pack socks!?! Ugh! My focus was so off and I needed to start getting ready.

I should mention at this point that beauty and fashion are NOT my biggest strengths. Growing up the only makeup I wore was stage makeup and my hair was almost always pulled back in a pony tail. I never wanted to make too much of an effort to look pretty because I somehow felt it looked like I was trying too hard. Anyone who knows me knows that I am as plain as can be when it comes to any traditional beauty routines or products. I don’t even own foundation and I paid an amazing makeup artist friend of mine to show me how to apply basic makeup a few years ago. She even gave me a detailed list because I just had no clue and only managed to get half the items. Thanks for trying Jessica!

Anyway, thank goodness my girl woke up and let me borrow a pair of socks!! And hairdryer. What did I even pack?!? Right before she left for work she gave me a big hug (the best and only kind of hug) and told me I needed to curl my hair. Lol. Brittany was an absolute life saver. She was so right. Also, she gives the best hugs.

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I wish I had another picture of us but I realized I took zero this entire trip. My brain could only focus on socks.

Why am I getting into so much detail about these minor little things that don’t really matter??? Because it does matter in that moment and in those moments we decide whether to quit or keep moving forward. I have to accept that my fear of failure is just a part of me. It’s like on autopilot but I have the power to control my physical actions. The brain is screaming for me to stop by my heart continues to push me forward. Trusting in your journey means embracing every second of it. Sharing all these crazy details is the stuff everyone leaves out of their stories so when I start feeling them I assume I must be doing something wrong. Confident people don’t lack these stressful feelings. This happens to me on an almost weekly basis. I go on despite them but it takes a lot of work to keep going. The doubt can be pretty convincing. Which leads me to my ride to the photo shoot.

So here I am feeling pheonemnal because my hair curled perfectly, my makeup is on, and I have socks! Seriously, now I know how Dobby felt. 

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You can’t see them but the socks are there.

I am ready early so I decided to call my Uber and my app keeps telling me there’s an error! What does that even mean???!! So I keep trying for about 10 minutes and I must have looked upset because my friend’s husband asks me if everything is ok. I am such an independent person and pride myself of taking care of myself I really really really dislike looking foolish. For some reason not having a working app made me feel that way. Have I ever mentioned how un-technological advanced I am? Well, I am. He suggests another ride share app and saves the day. Thanks Jessie! I set it up and Lyft tells me that Jasmin will be there in 2 minutes.

As soon as I jump in the car I am pumped and ready to go! When I am super comfortable and excited I get really chatty. Really, really chatty. So as we drive we talk about my project, my photoshoot, my goals, etc. She shares her own phenomenal story and turns out we’re both searching for what is next for us in our lives. Despite a gap in age it seems we are all continuously evolving and reevaluating our goals in life. Yet, I’ve always felt conflicted for not being able to choose ONE thing to do for the rest of my life. Some people can and I think that’s great but it’s not me. It was the exact conversation I needed to have that morning and before I get out she hands me her business card.

She decided after years of being a business woman she was going to go back to school and got her Masters in Spiritual Psychology. What is that you say?? I’m not entirely sure but that wasn’t even the point. She was doing something completely different from what she had known and become comfortable with because it no longer served her growth. The drive was only about 15 minutes and when I stepped out of the car I was ready to rock-n-roll!!

What we need to succeed and thrive is inside of us and sometimes God will use external forces to guide us to that place, like a broken app and just the right Lyft driver.

I finally got to meet Sam from HNS in person and since I was there early just had to sit and relax until the fun was set to begin…

I guess this means there will be a Part 3! Stay tuned:)

UPDATE:

None really. Went to Austin this past weekend and now I pretty much want to move there and start a Colombian food truck.

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Embracing 33 and ready to accept my next adventure

 

 

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