A Morning With My Alter Ego

I have a general rule that terrifies me to no end but I follow it. If one day I get what I consider to be a brilliant idea and immediately get excited, I do it. That makes sense and incredibly simple in practice but in reality I spend a lot of time agonizing in between me deciding to do something and actually doing it. This past weekend was no exception.

I have to preface this by saying that I had been soooooo sick all week long. Ok. Here goes.

As you all know I have found my happy place here in Houston and if you don’t know then you can read all about that here (bonus: You’ll see my sweet unicorn costume). First Light Disctrict hosts a sober morning yoga/dance party every second Saturday of the month. I’m not being paid or sponsored to mention them, I just legit love everything they are and do. I still very much pay for my admission. This party is amazing because the vibes are so fun and energetic.

I believe that to truly enjoy yourself is by being able to be 100% yourself.

Which is why dancing sober is it for me. I just LOVE to dance. To feel the rhythm and just move! I also happen to love costumes so the fact that they theme every month makes me super duper happy. This last weekend was ALTER EGO. My very first thought was JEM! She’s so truly outrages but then I got sick. Super duper sick and had zero energy to do anything. Let alone make a costume because you’d think I’d have a pink wig laying around but I don’t. Donations are accepted. 

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Me. All week.

THANKFULLY by Saturday I was feeling so much better and ready to partay! I decided not to feel bad about the fact that I didn’t have a costume and would make up for it later. Then, I walked into my closet. Now, I don’t have any pictures to share but it if you know me at all then you know Hello Kitty is my spirit animal. I have Hello Kitty everything. Pajamas, notepads, pens, socks, purses, socks, lunchboxes, and much much more. In an instant I found my costume! No one questioned my excessively long stay in the bathroom or when I came out looking like this.

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Did you know Hello Kitty is drawn without a mouth because they say she smiles from the heart??!? Now you do. You’re welcome.

Because bows and face paint I have laying around my house in surplus. My son came out to me eating breakfast and looked at me and said good morning and went about making waffles. My fiance barely looked up from the TV and said “I hope you have a great time!”. My daughter squealed, gave me a hug, and went back into her room. Costumes are nothing out of the norm and that makes me really happy. My people just accept this is me and that makes me even happier.

That was the easy part. It was the rest of the outfit that made me nervous. At this point in my life I have conquered wearing a bikini and doing the #topless5K but that all seemed easy now because I wasn’t stuck in the same room with any of those people. I shared the beach and race course but those places are HUGE! Was I really ready to wiggle and jiggle up close?  Was I ready to bust a move and watch as my loose skin moved around in its own rhythm? In my home I feel safe. Being surrounded by people who know me makes me feel safe. In a room with strangers? Not so much.

Then all those feelings rushed into my head. What if they talk about me? What if they think I’m just trying to get attention? What if I make a fool of myself? What if they don’t understand me? What if. What if. What if.

Then I remembered to use fear as my compass, not my enemy.

I constantly remind myself that if I am to love who I am then I have to face whatever it is I fear because fear only holds me back. I spent too much time being afraid for no great reason. If I am to look back on my life, how much of it will I want to know I spent it doing the things I love vs being afraid? I want to go to this party and I want to have fun and I want to wear what makes me think of my favorite furry friend and I want to create great memories for me. This is one of the few things I do 100% solo. This was clearly an area I needed to grow in so while I did tuck a t-shirt into my bag, I went exactly as I had envisioned myself: In full Hello Kitty glory.

I showed up nervous and you can probably guess what happened…

Yep, I had a great time. Sweat like a mofo and danced like a psycho for 2 hours. I smiled, I took pictures, I hugged new friends who I now know because of this party.

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Images by Murali Santhana Photography
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Thank you ladies for the incredible thing you’ve created here! Follow First Light District on Facebook for all the shenanigans.

More importantly, I set myself free a little bit more that way. I chose to give more power to the voice that wants to see me living my life in my own unique way than the one who holds me back. I get to SHARE that experience with others and reap all of the amazing benefits.

We are each trying to conquer different fears. My goal is to help and inspire you to overcome your own. For me, it has been conquering this ridiculous attachment I have to the shape and texture of my body to the presumed privilege I thought I needed to have in order to be me.For you it can be something completely different and you can’t relate to my story and that’s all ok.

The analogy I’ve been using for a while now to help me keep a perspective is that of receiving a gift. When it gets placed into my hands I might admire the wrapping for a little bit but at the end of the day I know the gift is inside. Whatever we are wrapped with is inconsequential. Bones wrapped in some meat and fat encapsulated by skin. The gift of who we are is the spirit that lives in all of that. A life that only YOU can live. A body with no soul is just a vessel. You have the power to steer it in any way you choice. Recognize and use that gift! You will not regret it.

xoxo

UPDATES:

  • I AM BACK ON YOUTUBE! After almost a year and some soul searching I have returned to the videos. Check that out right here: PowerToPrevail YouTube Channel or just watch it right meow below.
  • I’m considering having a meetup in Houston again. Just a thought but wanting to put it out there to see how my heart feels about it.
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