I am no stranger to judgment and if the internet has taught me anything it is that there’s TONS of it being given out for FREE. If ever you are in need of a completely different perspective from yours just post something on-line.
Today I started a LIVE video over on my Instagram and I was talking about my latest doctor’s appointment. My whole point was that I was weighed, my urine was sampled, my blood was taken, my uterus has been scanned, my heart rate and blood pressure checked, and in no moment did my doctor express concern for my stretch marks and scars. The question I asked was:
If stretch marks destroy our bodies then why isn’t my medical doctor working to “save” me?
The answer is simple. There’s nothing that needs saving. You’re not being destroyed. Your skin is just stretching. It’s totally designed to do that. I imagine doctors are pretty pleased that they don’t have to stitch or bandage people up constantly since our bodies have this amazing ability.
Anyway, my next question was:
Then who actually stands to benefit from me trying to have smooth skin?
This was the gem of the response I got:
Yeeeeeaaaah soooo here’s the story: My husband has never know me without stretch marks, scars, or loose skin and this baby wasn’t conceived via immaculata style so if this person is implying that my husband benefits from me having smooth skin in order for us to have a healthy and active sex life he has failed….miserably.
He is probably failing his partner miserably because nothing good can come from a person who is only capable of thinking of themselves or believing that attraction relies solely on the physical. As most couples know, life changes and we either adapt with the changes with our partners or things begin to fall apart. This is not limited to children, it’s life in general. I feel terrible for anyone whose sex life is still like the first day they met. How boring. You see, with time and kids, sex becomes much more active and often creative because you have to work so much harder to find the time and space for it.
So naturally, I shared my response and wrote about it because if this is the mentality that someone is sharing then I want to make sure to share a different perspective.
The comments started pouring in and the shared experiences were truthful and powerful and incredibly. I loved one of the comments when she said “I was super insecure after my first baby. Def resulted in less adult time – the only thing My husband was disappointed in was the lack of adult time. Not the fact that I didn’t look like I did when we 1st met. Now after baby#2 I feel better about myself! Now it’s just logistical issues.”
I can’t know the number but I do know that someone out there is struggling with their intimate life. Specifically a new mom who can’t for a second actually believe that she can ever have a happy sex life again. Hopefully she finds and reads these comments from women from all over the world who know EXACTLY what she’s going through.
That’s why we share. That’s why we have to be open and honest. That’s why we have to turn a situation of someone trying to hijack our conversation and focus even more on what issues need to be addressed. That’s why we have to look at every thought and determine it’s substance. What is it made of and does it serve me?
Earlier this week I spoke about the importance of knowing what we need. We can only do that by shutting out the noise and turning our energy inward. We’re just not trained to do that. We’re lead to believe that because we are “ruined” that we should feel “lucky” or “grateful” that anyone would want us at all.
Stop. That. Right. Now.
You want an exciting and active sex life? Awesome! Discover it! Already have a partner? Great! Get to working on it!
What’s stopping you? Fear? I know…
Lack of intimacy is closely linked to a fear of rejection but remember that gives you direction, too. It points to and away from people who will either help you or keep you from reaching your goals. Do you really want to be with someone who only takes and takes without knowing how to give? Nah. You want and deserve so much more than that. If you’re only standing still then you’re not saving yourself from anything. You’re only watching your life pass you by.
The comments aim to hurt but they can only hurt if we give them power. When dissected, we realize their empty words and hollow meanings. Stay focused on what is full of substance and will actually fortify you.
This pregnancy has had difficult moments and our intimate life suffered because we couldn’t go about business as usual. Sex was quite painful in the first semester. Totally normal during pregnancy but it was a real mood killer. Apparently neither one of us is turned on by me feeling my uterus feeling like it was being ripped out. You know what we figured out? Alternatives. Really fun and mutually satisfying ones. So a change in our circumstances only added to our repertoire. Win/Win for everyone. Excited to report that ish ended with my first trimester. Because I know you really wanted to know.
Having the ability to adapt is a part of what makes us human. Being led to believe that our only goal is to stay young forever or suspend our body in time is a waste of our time and abilities.
Let’s be bold. Let’s stay honest. Let’s keep it real. Let’s seek substance.
What’s ONE thing you’d love to be able to share with your partner to help you overcome an obstacle? THAT! Whatever you thought of, no matter how “embarrassing” or “stupid” you think it is! Share it. Then report back and let me know how it went.
Here’s some suggestions that I may or may not be speaking from personal experience:
- I wish I could just be naked in front of you.
- I wish I could put on some lingerie and feel sexy.
- I wish I could just turn the lights on.
- I wish I could share a fantasy with you.
I am finally back in Houston and have been super busy!
- We’re having a BOY!! Also pumped that we’re already at 20 weeks so this first half has flown by!
- I will be at a Houston Latina Bloggers event on Saturday, July 29th at the Baybrook Mall Macy’s from 2 pm – 4 pm!! Help me pick out stuff for my new casa and I’ll also be bringing my postcards to give away.
- A handful of tickets are still available for the Mind, Body, Soul event I will be speaking at on August 17, 2017! Event and registration info here.