Sexiness isn’t about flawlessness

This journey has allowed me to explore various topics that have been largely driven by you.

Yes, you. The wonderful people who make up this community. What I have learned from you is that there is a STRONG desire to have intimate conversations but you don’t quite know how to. There’s so much shame that we can’t muster up the courage to ask for help.

So, here I go. I’ll give the answers to questions I know you have and hope that you actually have it. Kinda tough talking into the vastness that is the internet but I know you’re out there and I know your reading even if I never hear from you. It’s ok.

We live so much by example and right now the examples for healthy sexual image is…lacking. BIG TIME.

Exhibit A -Z


This is EXACTLY what we’re bombarded with day in and day out. On the radio, in our news feeds, television, and billboards. Our computers, tablets, phones. Nothing is safe from it.

So if we can’t  LOVE our own skin unless it looks like this airbrushed and photoshopped model then how in the world could we ever hope to feel desirable buck naked in front of our partners?

I have found this to be ESPECIALLY difficult for mothers because of the whole “baby” body shaming going on. You could easily say you felt hot and sexy before but now that you don’t look the way you used to that the magic is gone. You may even feel like you have been robbed and then begin to feel resentment. It’s a downward spiral I think many of you don’t need me to describe because you know.

I’m going to use that exact mindset to then say “I think you have this whole sex thing all wrong.” We’re being distracted by this industry who is trying to tell us what sexy is and how we measure up against one another.

What scares you is what brings you the most joy. Great sex isn’t two flawless people engaging in intercourse. Nah. It’s two people being in tune with one another and satisfying each other physically but also mentally and spiritually. That’s going to be different for everyone.

When we say we are afraid of being naked or disappointing our partners, what we’re really saying is “I don’t think I am enough. I am not worthy of experiencing pleasure. I have to take whatever my partner can stomach.” I can go on and on.

So let’s keep these conversations real and turn off the marketing that’s attacking you in the most intimate of spaces. Ask yourself what you want and I want you to want that more than you are afraid of it. Fear doesn’t build us up. It keeps us in the dark both literally and figuratively. Can’t use the words to talk to your partner? Write it down. Play charades. Draw pictures. Share articles and be prepared to say “yes” if your partner asks you if this is what you want.

If you’re wondering why you should bother or why you should take the risk is easy when you see what lays (get it??) on the other side. By not addressing the issue we can guarantee what will happen…nothing. By addressing the issue, you just might just find yourself feeling confident and orgasming.



I’m going to visit my family in Seattle in less than 2 weeks with JJ so we decided to have a meetup! Nothing fancy. Just yummy food, good conversation, and these chubby cheeks!

More details here: Bopo Munch & Learn


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