No one has ever come out and asked me this question but it is the question I ask myself constantly. Of all of my struggles, doubt is my greatest. Of all of my dreams and goals, this is the thought that keeps me away from reaching them the most.
I love people. I am fascinated by people. I can spend hours thinking about and talk to people. I am so curious about what makes us do what we do and think of the many ways I am impacting that. At times, I feel like I am changing the world. At times, I feel like I am only kidding myself.
Years ago, I wrote out a plan for this project. I created a set of goals that I felt I needed to accomplish in order to see if I was making any progress at all. I made them simple and I made them clear so there was NO doubt if I was reaching them. I’ve since lost the paper that I wrote it on but they’re ingrained in my mind.
Phase 1: Build content for people to find and establish a focus on community, perception, and education. – DONE
Phase 2: Be asked to collaborate on other blogs, projects, workshops, etc. – DONE
Phase 3: Create workshops on my own and work with name brands. – DONE
Phase 4: Write a book and be asked to tour the world to share it. – Currently debating if I can actually do this.
WHY??!?! Why do we constantly do this when we have CLEARLY met our goals?? If past behavior is an indicator of a future behavior, then we have CLEARLY held steadfast to a vision and have been working toward it for years but now it all seems unattainable.
As I step into unknown territory, my mind is creating all sorts scenarios. I’m learning how to cope with the loss of a dream before I even have a chance at going for it and that is the one thought I’ve had to challenge since day one. I walk with doubt weighing heavily on my heart and mind but I keep walking. I believe that if my mind is creating this thought it is also because it knows I am headed in that direction. Not toward failure but to the success that exists on the other side of fear because I dream of meeting people all of the world.
I can picture myself on a stage in front of large crowds all over the world. I ALWAYS have been able to. This is what I’ve wanted to do since I was a kid. I believed I could until I was made to believe that those dreams were only for “special” people or that I was an attention seeker for wanting that. I began to believe that my dream was selfish and self-centered. I felt ashamed that I would be so energized at the idea of speaking to large crowds of people and that those people would actually want to hear what I had to say.
What has lead me to this amazing place where I am now, is by turning external voices off and tuning into my own. Our passions and purpose don’t require anyone’s approval. My dream is mine. It’s true that I am not “special” and I don’t have to be either. I just have to be me. I have to give my voice a chance to be heard and a chance to grow. It comes so naturally that I really just needed to learn to get out of my own way and let my passion, however foreign to others, take the lead.
As I enter my third and final summer body positive workshop on July 3rd in West Palm Beach, I am filled with so much hope and joy that I WILL bring this phase to a close and focus all of my energy on phase 4. Click here for tickets!
FYI: The workshops are not ending! I am working on plans for the fall and allowing plans to unravel naturally because I have a lot on my plate and never want to feel that this project is a burden.